A regular day with Kidd Pirates
by SilverRain0
Summary: It happned on one hot day. The crew was too lazy to do anything productive. Suddenly, the boring silence pierced a loud scream. If you are a Kidd Pirate, screams are your everyday thing but if your captain is screaming, something must be wrong. A crack fiction with Kidd Pirates. Written for a collab.


**A/N: **Just a little crack featuring the Kidd pirates. I like to tease Kidd.

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On one hot day somewhere at the sea

The sun stood high on the horizon and on the sky not a cloud could be seen. The sea was calm and there were no signs of other pirate or marine ships. The Kidd pirates were surprisingly quite and sober. They were too lazy to do anything.

Killer's eyes shifted from one face to another as he wrote something down. He was sitting at the table with a pen and strange looking book. From time to time he would look up, giggle (if that could be called a giggle), and then write something down.

Wire nudged Heat. – "He finally lost it." – Showing at Killer's direction. – "Must be because of the sun. It's too hot and he's wearing that mask."

Heat nodded his head. Yes, it was too hot and he wasn't in the mood for a talk. But Wire continued. – "What do you think he is writing?"

"I don't know. Maybe you should ask him."

The tall man sat deep in thoughts for a moment and then suddenly stood up and made his way to Killer.

Heat didn't bother to stop him but curiously waited for the outcome. Wire would probably get killed but at least something would be happening on the ship.

"Killer-san, what are you writing?" – Wire politely asked.

The masked man raised his head and looked at his crewmate. – "I am writing a diary."

The whole crew was stunned. - "A diary?"

"Yes. Someday these information will come handy." – Came the explanation. – "I..uhmm. we, we could get rich with this."

"Why is the ink red?"

"This isn't ink. It's my enemies' blood."

His crewmates grew pale. Some nervously laughed and some expected that the masked man would say that this was only a joke. But the expected sentence never came. Wire's eyes met Heat's. Obviously Heat wanted the tall man to get away from the first mate or he would be turned into ink. Wire ignored the warning as expected. One question couldn't leave him alone now. If the ink was blood, were the pages made of human skin?

Just as Wire was about to ask him about it a loud scream was heard. The metal things started to vibrate and move towards the captain's cabin. Heavy footsteps echoed through the corridor and with a loud thud the door to the deck opened revealing a pissed off captain.

"Where the fuck is that delivery seagull?! I am going to roast him alive!"

"It's gone." – Killer spoke still sitting at the table and holding a pen.

"Young master, what happened?" – Heat was concerned. There were only few occasions that could make the captain behave like this. Either the booze was gone or Trafalgar Law's bounty became higher then captain's.

"That fucking bird brought me wrong shade!"

"Beg your pardon?"

"I ordered the darker shade of this lipstick and the fucking bird brought the light shade!"

"What is wrong with lighter one?" – Killer mused.

"What is wrong?! What is wrong?! Everything is wrong!" – Kidd was now extremely pissed off. – "I want a lipstick that says fear me for I am strong, without mercy and in the same time manly. Not this shit. It says; I am cheap and I don't have any taste. Look at me; I look like a fucking drag queen."

"Please, young master, calm down. There is no point in destroying everything and burning the bird. The birds just deliver; it's the people who pack the deliveries." – Heat tried to save the crew and the ship.

"Don't you worry, young master. You still look good." – Someone of the crew added. – "Beauty comes from the inside, not from outside."

Kidd was stunned. He never expected this. – "You think this is a fucking joke?! That's it. Nobody understands me! I am not coming out until we arrive on the next island. Killer, take care of the ship." – And the red haired captain left the deck muttering something about never ordering anything from the catalogues.

Everyone went silent and after few minutes after first shock they went to their respective places. Only Killer didn't move. The Massacre Solider took the pen and started writing.

_Dear diary,_

_Our captain is in that part of the month. _


End file.
